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Netflix has to know we all hate watch these stupid ass movies right? They make them for us to make fun of right? Why else would they continue to make these god awful movies. Being tall is literally not a conflict. Every one of these movies follows almost the exact same plot and they’re all so stupid and I couldn’t care less. 1/10. -Tyler.
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Family/Comedy
1/5
SPOILER WARNING (I guess)
After tall girl Jodi (Ava Michelle) grows in popularity at her high school, she risks strains in her
relationships with those closest to her.
When Martin Scorsese said that Marvel movies weren’t cinema, I think we all knew what he meant
really was: welcome to the Tall Girl Cinematic Universe (TGCU). Credit where credit is due, I’d recommend watching Cosmonaut Variety Hour’s (CVH) ‘picture show’ videos on the Tall Girl films
because, firstly, they’re hilarious and, secondly, I may accidentally riff off of some of their jokes, apologies if so. Anyway, let’s get to it. For those new to the scene, Tall Girl 2 and its predecessor are
probably the worst Netflix films I’ve ever seen: naturally, they’re unintentionally enjoyable and I do
have fond memories of watching both of them with friends. The nicest thing I can say is that I would
definitely place them in the ‘so bad they’re good’ category, rather than just bad and boring to the
degree of embarrassment (cough cough, The Rise of Skywalker, cough cough), therefore, I’m not
offended or repulsed by Tall Girl 2’s existence, however, I can imagine it feeling grating and mind-
numbingly atrocious if viewed by one’s self. This is the rare type of movie I’ll watch where I can excuse people talking over it, cracking jokes and laughing at the wrong moments plainly because it’s the only way to enjoy it and, if you’re ok with this, Tall Girl 2 is kind of a lot of fun.
To start off with, I must address the largest problem looming over this franchise, which is that these movies should have never been made in the first place because being tall isn’t a cause for marginalisation averse to how it’s portrayed here, seeming especially pathetic in their lack of concern regarding actual modern social issues. Our protagonist Jodi is privileged, both from being white and wealthy but her problems matter more than others because she’s 6 foot 1 and a half… on a side-note, I find it hilarious that the writers seem unaware of the fact that that’s really not very tall, it’s not short but it’s far from ‘atypical’, yet she’s largely alienated from her classmates at school.
Especially when considering the first film’s opening (“You think your life is hard? I’m a high school junior wearing size 13 Nikes. Men’s size 13 Nikes.), it frequently gets to the point where I don’t understand how any ‘professional’ writers could produce these scripts and storylines with a straight face and see no problems in their work, making me wonder if they expected the controversy and criticism, and decided to go along with it because it could increase the talk about it. If so, that’s kind of a genius plan to branch out to multiple target audiences but I doubt that these writers are that smart. My main point here is that the issue with Jodi’s life paling in comparison to some of those of the real world in terms of difficulty and emotional distress means that these films cannot morally be taken seriously. So, what do you get when you have a privileged teenager always complaining about their own troubles and showing no regard for anyone else’s? A selfish and deeply unlikeable protagonist, whom I’m not even sure the writers realised they were ascertaining those qualities, especially in this sequel. Since this is a review of the sequel, I’ll try stop talking about the first so what happens in this movie? Narratively, pretty much nothing. After Jodi’s homecoming speech, which was apparently so moving that another cast member in the play she’s participating in has literally memorised it (pretty creepy, dude), she’s risen in popularity to the dismay of ‘mean girl’ Kimmy (Clara Wilsey). People no longer ask “How’s the weather up there?” (which I’ve never heard a single person say outside of these movies) and her relationship with ‘short boy’ Jack Dunkleman (Griffin Gluck) is going well, despite the fact that she’d repeatedly rejected him because he wasn’t tall enough for her. Swedish exchange student and Jodi’s ex-boyfriend Stig (Luke Eisner) is still kicking around for ‘reasons’, leading me to one of Tall Girl 2’s most farcical problems. There isn’t just a love triangle with Jodi; Dunkleman, Stig, jock-turned-calm and mature young man Schnipper (Rico Paris), and that weird guy who memorised her speech, Tommy (Jan Luis Castellanos) are all suggested to be romantic interests and/or romantically interested in her at some point during this film’s runtime. IT’S A BLOODY LOVE PENTAGON. The writers nearly have nothing up their sleeves for the character other than ideas to either illogically and unnecessarily disrupt her healthy relationships to create ‘drama’ or show how everyone loves her now that she’s embracing her tallness. Now, I say ‘nearly’ because they do bring one other new aspect to the table here: Jodi’s struggling with anxiety but, instead of offering a genuine representation of a teenager’s insecurities and troubles, it’s
demonstrated as some kind of Green Goblin second persona chattering away like an evil demon in her head. There’s no subtlety or genuineness to it, not to mention the near-harmfully unrealistic portrayal of panic attacks in this film. Tall Girl 2 is plagued here by the fact that it’s watering down the mental health content side of things to avoid being too dark and honest about how people really struggle with these issues for its younger target audience. It means that, when you get cringe-worthily transparent moments of ‘dialogue’ where the parents are explaining what to do when experiencing a panic attack as if they’re reading off of the NHS website, this could have been a helpful thing to teach children growing up, if it wasn’t for such a flawed and unrealistic representation of these issues that the film never really is that interested in committing honestly towards.
Other than that and the stereotypes (everyone in this high school is essentially a walking caricature and Stig is mocked for being Swedish for some strange reason such as when someone literally calls him “IKEA”, yet he doesn’t get offended or upset about it, the film just acts like it’s ok if it’s just teasing), I guess there’s nothing else damaging that Tall Girl 2 manages? There are some iconic lines, with my new favourite being “Kimmy, you did it! […] You saved Jodi’s shoes!”, which takes place during the bully’s moment of redemption, I guess, when she suddenly decides to save them from a fire ritual on a beach (long story). Obviously, the main reason to watch these films is for the ‘Stonkers’ ship: Stig and Dunkleman, or Dunkers as the former likes to call him, make for a strangely wholesome duo, which I and many others are hotly anticipating the potential of it becoming a couple. As roommates, they have multiple bunkbed conversations at night where their faces get so very close that we’re tangibly on the verge of greatness, not to mention their frequent moments of physical affection, and their endearing chemistry. The only problem standing in our dream’s way is that Tall Girl and its sequel aren’t just heteronormative; these films are aggressively straight. Not that they are outwardly homophobic, more-so that they shy away from opportunities to represent LGBTQ+ relationships at every single turn in a manner that feels noticeably strange considering that they are supposedly modern high school movies. While his character arc ends with him being a stereotypical jerk at the end of Tall Girl, Luke Eisner’s Stig is possibly the only salvageable thing in this sequel and I can’t tell whether he really understood the assignment or if he’s unintentionally hilarious. Thanks to Stig, I will never not pronounce Jodi’s name as ‘Yodi’ (as an English speaker) but he’s also slightly notable merely as an unexpectedly fun character. The scene where Jodi and Dunkleman have a ‘romantic’ dinner at the latter’s house and Stig, since he’s already there as his roommate, just decides to dress up and volunteer as their literal waiter was pretty funny and it made the character a strangely wholesome personality. That was until his story ended him up with becoming Jodi’s best friend Fareeda’s (Anjelika Washington) boyfriend, which nobody was ever asking for. As I write this, I’m now remembering how bad parts of Euphoria Season 2 were, since the show tried to pull off a similar ‘side character secretly in love with their best friend’s ex’ storyline, but at least that took time to build up tension surrounding what would explosively happen when the truth came out. Tall Girl 2 hardly concerns itself with any potential conflict here, Fareeda worries that Jodi will be mad but the latter literally doesn’t care when she explains it, instead giving her the ‘as long as you’re happy, I’m happy’ best friend talk. Stig and Fareeda largely lack chemistry and this storyline enforces Tall Girl 2’s weird agenda, mission if you will, to leave all the main characters in happily heterosexual relationships with no variation or complications because… yeah? You know, apart from this new (and contrived) dynamic, it seriously does go that nothing of note really happens in this movie, as sequels are meant to be about change, at least progression, however, Jodi and Dunkleman end up together once again and our protagonist finds the necessary self-empowerment to feel comfortable in her own very tall skin so that all is at peace in her tall world.
As for Jodi’s home life, it’s honestly hilarious how tough she monologues that she has it when the only character traits of her parents, Helaine and Richie (Angela Kinsey and Steve Zahn respectively, who both deserve better), are that they are understanding and supportive. Even slightly unhinged beauty pageant sister Harper (Sabrina Carpenter) is still just acts like a friendly and caring sibling towards her, with these aspects making it all the less believable that Jodi feels so neglected and misunderstood in her life. However, the writers have gotten to the point where, whenever these flaws and illogical plot devices blare out, they use her tallness as a get-out-of-jail-free-card to justify why her life is apparently so difficult. These are movies made in the late 2010s-20s that people got paid for. I sometimes have to write it down or say it out loud to begin to fathom the ugly and confusing truth (insert very audible sigh). Anyway, I suppose I should evaluate the components that make up this movie individually, starting with the cinematography. Simply put, it’s bland and uninspired. Even worse though is the jarring and displeasing colour palette, with the heavy use of neon-ish blue and orange, as put by CVH, which makes this American high school look like an English primary school’s playground. Honestly, I think we should start theorising about which alternate sector of the multiverse the TGCU takes place in and whether the creators behind these films are even homo sapiens from this Earth… maybe we’ll get a spinoff show to explain all of that, considering that the existence of these movies affirms that Netflix will greenlight anything and everything (apart from further seasons of their great shows that people like, of course. I lose hope in humanity when I think about the fact that Netflix went ahead with a Tall Girl sequel but wouldn’t allow BoJack Horseman to continue past season 6). Back to the original point, Tall Girl 2’s shot types and camera angles lack creativity and are nothing special, I couldn’t even remember if there was a score until I just checked IMDb now (it says that Mateo Messina composed the music for this film, yet I can’t remember a single motif or moment with any), the soundtrack is cringe-worthy, the script
is cheesy with nearly every joke feeling at least 10 years too late, and the performances are pretty awful. The most I can say is that I hope that everyone featuring in this film got a decent pay-check from Netflix to compensate for the hindrances that this may cause their careers, and I probably owe a personal apology to each of them for reinforcing their attachment to this project by referencing their names in this review.
In conclusion, it’s been fun to blow off some steam by getting to review one of the worst films I’ve ever seen (not much competition, as I usually try to avoid ones that I’ve heard are particularly bad but still), however, I’m running out of things to say so let’s wrap this up: Tall Girl 2 gets the Little Italy rating and nothing, in a million years, more. I could preach multitudes more tall tales about why this film is egregious and terrible on just about every level but I don’t think it’s worth any more of my time. An anonymous shoutout is in order for those who watched it with me, thanks to you all and I look forward to seeing you for Tall Girl 3 if it happens. Overall, this film doesn’t earn your attention and is a cheesy, surface-level and uninventive take on high school: I would recommend Tall Girl 2 only (and I mean only!) to those watching with friends, who are expecting to be making fun of it the whole way through, in which case, there’s some entertainment value to be had here. Unintentionally speaking.
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