Jun 20, 20212 min read

The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl: OH MY GOD, MY EYES, MY BEAUTIFUL EYES

Updated: Feb 12, 2023

Reviews by:

@the_owlseyes

RATE THIS MOVIE

Sometimes fantasy doesn't need to become reality because it can become a nightmare. I've said enough.

PLOT

"A young boy is recruited by his imaginary friends Sharkboy and Lavagirl to help save their planet" or "Fantasy could be pretty disturbing"

SCRIPT

It depends how you want to see it: as a boy's fantasy or disturbed fantasies of an adult mind. The first case work, the other don't. The protagonist as an arch but it isn't interesting. The others are dumbily written. Sharkboy and Lavagirl have generic powers with a generic backstory and a generic personality. There're a lot of cliches and the villains are the worst. Their reason isn't logic and their decision are questionable, not because they're bad, but because they're written ad dumb villains. Parents and adults are portrayed in a biased way and all of them seem like dummies. It feels like an aimless movie because there're no stakes and no tension. At least it isn't the worst script ever written for a movie.

Script: 2/10

ACTING

Usually kids aren't very good at acting. Here kids are the main stars and the movie suffers a lot cause of it. The worst of them...I don't know. I could say who is the best: Taylor Dooley as Lavagirl. The adults are bad too because they overact as hell and they are not able to raise the movie's quality. Beyond that there's nothing more to say here.

Acting: 1/10

PHOTOGRAPHY

Thanks to shitty special effects and oversatured colour, this movie is harmful for schizophrenic people. Your eyes will hurt and you are going to bail out of this movie because you don't want to become blind. At least there're great shots and visuals......not. There's nohing like that here. Erase your hope, this movie crashed hard and it could destroy your soul.

Photography: 1/10

EDITING

It's slightly better than the other sections but it isn't interesting or ground-breaking, it's just mediocre and it helps making this movie a sluggish piece of trash. There's no slow motion, tracking shots or things like that. It's basic, pretty basic.

Editing: 3/10

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The cgi is blinding. It becomes unbearable after 15 minutes in the movie. The 3-D techinque is just bad, tedious and unnnecessary. I've never seen something as bad as this movie. I consider it worse than Who Killed Captain Alex? because I don't understand how the director was able to f**k it up with that budget. I want to give it 0 but I can't. It's a disgruntled 1 and it's too much.

Special Effects: /10

SOUNDTRACK

It was bad even before Taylor Lautner started to sing the notorious Dream song. You find it here to ruin your day. Usually I'd say "Enjoy" but now I'll say: don't, don't do it for your own sanity.

Soundtrack: 1/10

COSTUMES

Just awful. It's a superhero movie and it isn't able to give proper suits to his heroes. It seems more like halloween costumes rather than a $50 million dollar production. It's outrageous how bad they are.

Costumes: 1/10