Jun 5, 20214 min read

Troll 2 (1990): OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!

Updated: Feb 12, 2023

Reviews by:

@the_owlseyes

RATE THIS MOVIE

This is a movie called Troll 2 and this isn't about trolls and it isn't a sequel.

PLOT

"A vacationing family discovers that the entire town they're visiting is inhabited by goblins, disguised as humans, who plan to eat them" or "A family is destroyed by a petulant and schizophrenic kid".

SCRIPT

Dumb characters without an arch, a thin plot which doesn't make sense, considering that the whole movie isn't a sequel, and wrong messages. Stupid decision are the norm here and the people seem unable to think. The worst character is the kid. Annoying and loud, he's so hateable. It's not personal but I'm not able to take him seriously because everything he does make he seems schizophrenic. The parents are the worst example of their kind. They're abusive and negligent and I can't believe that a movie like that was allowed to air in theatres. The boys, I'm talking about the teenagers, are defined by one thing: their sex lust. Everything for them revolves around it, to the point that for them seems normal to rape and harass a girl, which turns out to be the reason of their demise. The town's people are weird and there's no subtlety in them. The plot twist is one of the funniest thing I've ever seen because it's based on the anagram concept. The villain, the witch and the goblins, aren't threatning and they don't have a clear motivation. I want to remark the fact that the witch has inconsistent powers throughout the movie and makes thing up as the plot demands it.

The fact that this movie tries to make you hate who is vegetarian and vegan is revolting and I won't say more because this is the bottom of the barrel for me. It's on the same level of Leo the Lion, it's only more subtle.

After that I stop because I want that all I've said permeates your mind and let you understand the level I was obliged to reach, even though it was my choice. Sometimes being bold is a curse.

Script: 1/10

ACTING

I've seen high school plays with better acting and I'm not joking. It isn't simply cringy and incompetent but it's intended to be taken seriously. This is why it's one of the funniest and most boring movie I've ever seen. There's a scene which has been memed infinite times and you'll notice it. That scene is the only reason this movie stil exists in our memory.

Acting: 1/10

PHOTOGRAPHY

It's bad. Sometimes images aren't clear and sometimes the light is used without a logic. Most of the time it's shot as a cable movie and this hurts the quality, like a lot. Chromatic symbolism....none. Don't tell me that the green slime and the green leaves and green in general is used to represent nature and goblins, because it's a dumb theory. It's a C, maybe D movie, there's nothing more to expect from it really.

Photography: 2/10

EDITING

It's a mess. There're sudden cuts with no reason at all, fade to black which make it seems like a series and it's tedious. Certain cuts are made in a way that it's hard to take every scene seriously. Certain...more like most of them. It's hard to find something positive about it.

Editing: 2/10

SPECIAL EFFECTS

Practical and cgi effects are both bad. There's nothing which saves them from being laughably dumb. The goblin mask's mouth doesn't move and it's unsettling, but I don't think that it's intended to be like that. The vfx are funny because are so badly done, to the point that it seems impossible that everyone involved didn't notice it in post production. I could understand the time period but there are 90's movies which are more believable. The make up, as I said before, is bad and you can easily understand that everything is fake. The green slime is revolting but sometimes doesn't make sense, really. They tried. And they miserably failed.

Special Effects: 3/10

SOUNDTRACK

Forgettable and bothering at best. The "Troll"'s theme isn't threatning and most of the time it's comedic. There's nothing more to say because this is, probably, the most appreaciable section of the bunch, and this is a stretch. I could say that I'm jumping more than a shark right now. I was almost forgetting it, there's a song, singed by the family, which is the worst song I've ever heard and it's repeated more than one time. it's insane.

Soundtrack: 2/10

COSTUMES

As I said before the practical effects are cheap and bad. Costumes, as long as we consider only the humans, are decent and fit the setting and characters. But, when we get to the goblins, it becomes painful. They're like the nightmare version of the Ewoks, not because they're scary, but because they're crap. Sometimes you could see that tthere's a person behind the mask and the seize of them doesn't make sense, because the goblins most of the times look like disfigured people with a disease. The witch costume isn't original and it doesn't change or evolve during the runtime, making it stale and boring. The only thing which will please the audience, I'm talking about the male and basically misogenic public, is the fact that the witch clothes are skimpy, like most of the female's costumes. This send a bad message to the viewers and it downgrades the movie beyond the simple "so bad it's good". It becomes a harmful movie.

Costumes: 1/10

CONCLUSION

Script: 1/10

Acting: 1/10

Photography: 2/10

Editing: 2/10

Special Effects: 3/10

Soundtrack: 2/10

Costumes: 1/10

AVERAGE: 1,71

It isn't the worst movie I've ever seen but it sure is one of the worst. I want you to see it because it's on eof the funniest thing online. I should've write more here but really, what do you expect. I need some days to recover. I'll see you tomorrow or I don't know, someday in the future. I'm losing my mind. This is a conclusion, let's finish it. Ok, now I'm done. Not sure about that but now I am. I think that everyone should go to Nilbog for the holidays, it's such a great place. Adios